Heaven Descending by: Sandra Haubein, Acrylic, 2018
In fourth grade, my favorite color was pink
Because that was the popular girl color.
I saw Lindsey Lohan strut her magentas and her carnation
In Mean Girls
And because I was too young
And didn‘t understand the majority of the movie,
I wanted to do the same
Because I wanted people to look at me with the same admiration the lead characters gave her
In sixth grade, my favorite color was black
Because it was cool to rebel and act like you didn‘t care.
And I wanted to not care what others thought
So I did the same things they did.
I was finally getting some attention
Just not the kind I wanted
In tenth grade, my favorite color was orange
Because I hung out with the ‘nerds‘
Aka people who had goals whereas I didn’t.
They were smart, and as I usual, I wanted to fit in
I read online that orange symbolizes intelligence
So as if it was a personality trait itself,
That became my favorite color.
It didn’t make my friends think I was smarter.
In twelfth grade, I didn’t have a favorite color.
I also didn’t have much motivation,
If apathy was a color,
That’s what I was painted with every day.
But at least I didn’t care what other people thought anymore.
Now I‘ve stopped caring in a different way
The only thing I need admiration from is my dog.
Maybe it‘s because I‘m older,
Wiser,
Or just too tired.
But it’s a weight off my injured shoulders.
And my favorite color is green now,
In case you were wondering.
But I won’t get too poetic about it.