Shit Vacay
July 14
My old-ass grandad almost got me killed through horrible lava death today. That old fucker has been out of it lately. Must be going blind, I say. Whatever. That isn’t even what makes this the biggest waste of summer break disguised as a vacation ever. We arrive here in Arsenal, Arsenic…Arenal?? Idk wherever we are in Costa Rica to look at this damn volcano cuz it’s still active?! (Idk I guess that doesn’t mean it’s gonna blow up in our faces. Or at least I hope.) We were supposed to have a chauffeur, but he arrived three hours late and grandad had to hold on to my bags the entire time. He knows I have a thing about straps, and yet he still has the nerve to complain about his back like I can even do anything about that. AND THEN, that bastard driver made me order my own food at the drive-thru like we weren’t already paying him for that. Granddad went off to the bathroom for like EVER and so I ate his food so it wouldn’t get wasted (everyone knows cold food is for the trash can) and he got mad at me. The senile sack of talcum powder and resentment had some nerve. He must’ve gotten so upset that he went into like a super old person fit cuz he just sat there with the poor look on his face, but I swear his vision is failing too or something. I just kept catching him staring at me all day. By the time we made it to the edge of the volcano he was barely standing. At one point he bumped into me so hard I nearly fell in. Luckily the guide who brought us up gave me a hand before I slipped. He even yelled at my grandpa for “pushing into me” or something like that. Weird word choice, but I won’t nitpick the grammar of a dude who saved me. The volcano was certainly bomb as fuck, though I guess he didn’t feel the same way. He seems disappointed now. Meh, good for him.
Signing off after another long day,
DM